1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?
2. Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
7. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (my next signature line!)
13. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
14. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
15. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
16. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?